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Hola all. Massawyrm here.
Fast and
the Furious:
This time
out, the series commits the cardinal sin of sequels, by telling a story that
omits every recognizable face fans of the series may be familiar with. And yet,
this is one of those rare occasions in which it works, because all anyone cares
about is the cars anyway. Right? But that doesn't mean that the story they have
to tell is particularly good. Quite the contrary, the story is pretty fucking
lame, but simple enough that you never actually have to think about it or get
involved enough to care. Cars, baby. The Cars.
But let
me get this out of the way. I had fun with FatF:TD. It's crap, there's no
denying that, but there're just enough cool items of interest to make this
worthwhile watching once. But I'll never set out to watch it again. It's just
one of those films.
First
off, to be fair to the film, I'll talk about what I loved about it -- because
there were two items in particular I loved. Chiefly the character of Han,
played brilliantly by Sung Kang. Not only does he prove to be the only
character of interest in the film whatsoever (unfortunately he's not one of the
leads), but he proves to be one of the coolest character I've seen on the
screen in a while.
The guy's
a true anti-hero, a classic Bogart-esque criminal who is constantly cooler than
everyone else around him, is given some of the best and most telling dialog in
the film and does what he does for a reason. While he seems very detached most
of the time, it is in that cool Look, I know I'm a badass so why even bother
to prove it to you Punk sort of way. Sung Kang just oozes cool and even
under the toughest of circumstances maintains his composure without taking it
to a cheesy B-Movie trying to be a badass level. He's so cool in fact,
that he feels a bit out of place, like he belongs in a classic John Woo crime
film, not some low rent cheap thrills crapfest like this. I quite simply loved
every moment this guy was onscreen and that delight helped pass the time
through some of the pretty terrible scenes book ending his.
Secondly,
somewhere along the line someone suggested the single most perfect geek casting
choice of a minor character that this film could have had. Hey, we've got
this
And while
we're discussing the few positives this film has to offer, the race/chase
scenes in this actually work fairly well. Lin made a solid decision in dumping
the lame CG speed streak lines, which worked well in the original, then were
completely overused to ludicrous amounts in John Singleton's sequel. Instead,
Lin films almost all of the chase scenes under street lights, tunnel
fluorescent lighting and in parking garages -- allowing the reflections of the
lights themselves to serve as streak lines. The aesthetic works, and he
competently sets up some fun race/chases that work well for the series, but
never quite meet the same level as seen in the original. While there are some
daring stunts, nothing quite touches that classic 18 Wheeler scene.
Unfortunately,
that's all that FatF:TD has to offer. The problems begin with the choice of
Justin Lin himself who, if he's proven anything with his three feature films
(but specifically this and Annapolis), it is that he either has no grasp on how
to make a "macho" film or has no desire to -- deciding instead to
make films that should be filled with manly characters, but instead just
aren't. The original FatF was entirely about Machismo. Hell, you can't even
pick up the dvd in your bare hands without be slathered with testosterone. The
second film tried really hard to be macho, but instead tried too hard,
leading to one of the most overtly gay action films since Top Gun. Thus it was
but a Macho, Macho
Leading
to the films biggest problem -- our hero, the lead. Unfortunately Lucas Black
is going to take the brunt of blame for this when really it's not his fault.
The problem here is that the hero is nothing but a douche bag gearhead who's
mouth constantly writes checks his ass can't cash. And it all comes from the
story and dialog, not just the way Black delivers it. There's nothing likable
or sympathetic about this guy at all. He's just an asshole who doesn't know
when to keep his fucking mouth shut. So he gets beat down, repeatedly, and
deserves every beating he takes. This guy is a mullet and a Camero short of
every beer drinking asshole you knew in High School. BUT HE'S THE FUCKING HERO.
The fact that they cast someone with that thick a southern accent only
amplifies the problem. And no, he never learns his lesson. And no, being that
big a punk ass bitch never pays off.
In fact,
the only reason you might be remotely rooting for him is because the guy he
manages to piss off is only a slightly bigger asshole than he is. Aside from
that, he's an entirely worthless character who just manages to get other people
hurt or killed for his own glory. And once offered his big heroic turning point
he doesn't learn anything about what a fucktard he's been, but rather just that
it's time to stop running and time to own up to his problems. Of course,
there's only one logical solution to those problems. Challenge the guys who
want to kill you to a race.
Thank god
our villains are just as fucking stupid as our hero, or else the movie would
have ended with Black lying face down in a gutter with a bullet in the back of
his skull.
This is
the other major problem with the film - The complete lack of a plot that is
above that of your average high school comedy/drama with crime and a street
racing in place of the big dance off. Seriously. The entire plot involves the
"Troubled kid" coming to town, making googley eyes at the girlfriend
of the "Big Man on Campus" only to get his ass whooped for it and
spend the rest of the film learning to use the forc...I mean, drift so he can avenge
his initial schooling. It really never gets any more complicated than that.
Jesus, even 2 Fast 2 Furious was more complicated than that.
Wait!
He has to learn how to drift in order to win the big race he challenges the
villain to at the end? Does that mean...? Oh hell yes. That means a
Montage!
The
remainder of the film's problems all stem from the lack of characterization
outside of our two major assholes and the single cool guy caught between them.
There's a love interest that is just silly and undefined. Plenty of extras who
simply stand around Lucas Black without a line, and occasionally hand him an
important car part or tool to soup up his monster with. A Father/son
relationship that feels more like an excuse to have a redneck in
Really,
this is a silly fucking movie with a few shining moments of greatness. Had this
film been about the Han character taking the total douche bag under his wing
and showing him how to be a man, then this would have been a worthy addition to
the Fast and the Furious franchise. Instead, this only manages to rank 2nd in
the series because part two was so unbelievably, unintentionally funny.
But if
you're the type of person that says "fuck all that, Bring on the fast
cars, Asian girls in non-existent shorts and a blaring soundtrack" - well,
you won't be disappointed. There's plenty of that on all fronts to keep you
entertained.
Recommended
only for those easily impressed by shiny cars moving fast or anyone willing to
sit through 95 minutes of crud to see 10 perfect minutes. Like I said, I had
fun, but only because I was willing to sit through it for Sonny
Until
next time friends, smoke `em if ya got `em. I know I will.
Massawyrm
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